Loneliness of a kidney stone passer

Finally, I am selling the remaining items of my Magic Online stuff to some corporate dealer and closing that chapter of my life for good. Another (late) check for me.

3 days ago, I passed a kidney stone and when it were coming out, I was in so much agony I thought it's a big one and it can't get through and I'm fucked. So I went (under the heavy rain) to my usual doctor to get my usual painkiller injection and he wasn't where he used to be no more! So imagine my own self, under soaking rain, frustrated and cursing along cuz I didn't know what to do and the pain I had was excrutiating. I finally (after I got drenched 5 more minutes) found some pharmacy stone and got my shot (I was longing for the shot the pharmacist woman must have thought I'm some sort of addict or something. who cares anyway)

No words can really explain those 5-10 minutes after the shot. It's rather like, you feel the pain go away but it's a drop by drop process, and each passing moment means you're closer to the huge freedom of being painfree. It's probably one of the unique moments where I prefer time to pass faster than normal. And suddenly you gain the ability to breathe normal (At its peak, kidney stone pain blocks the harmony of the breathing, and you prefer to take one big breath instead of countless small ones -cuz it hurts everytime you breathe, at least you feel that way), and then you realize you can move easily without hurting. It's like being fricking born again. When I came home, I was wet and cold and when you got a stone in a channel which expands by getting your body -and that area- warm, you do not go out to cold. So I changed my clothes, put some hot water bag to my kidney-loin area and half an hour later I felt the stone shift into the bladder which means end of the pain literally. A few hours later it came out in my urine.

That was 3 days ago. The day after that I went out with some friends; we walked in the cold, sat down and drank beer (outside) in the cold. Inevitably, I got some light flu. Today I had a light fever (37.5) but then it dropped, my body is still aching like shit and all. I managed to get sick 2 times in 3 days. That must count for something.

The deadline for my book is soon. So these 10 days will be some hard work for me. Actually the whole January will be. We'll see how that will come along.

Whaeva

On a side note, I've decided to keep the blog in English -unless it's something I really need to express in my mommy tongue (like a short story perhaps?) and then if and when I have time, I'll translate to Turkish. (I bet you will, dude.)

Fresh start

So,

Been over 2 years that I wrote something -anything- but I feel I'm up for it again starting today. I have no idea what to write about, nor did I still decide whether I should write in English or Turkish or both.

Welcome to my life, peeps. The land of the indecisive; the kingdom of the hesitant.

These last two weren't exactly my top years; after some unfortunate events in my personal like and job, I had the need to do "nothing" exactly for a lil while. I've had dedicated myself to some online game and didn't do much productive work, although I know that I won't be able to replace that feeling (I feel like quitting smoking, baby) with nothing, that's just how I'm gonna have to cope with life; with-out any addiction. (yeaaahhh)

So well, welcome again to my blog. I just don't wanna draw an outline now and limit myself to that shit. Time will tell.

I'll be the tear in a dream. (Hopefully)

Cagdas